Tales from the Land of Ooo Page 3

  “What’s the big deal?” Finn shrugged. “It’s empty and harmless. It can’t decorpsinate anything anymore.”

  “That’s not the point—it’s just that—this…,” Princess Bubblegum said. “This has sentimental value. This is from one of our first adventures together.”

  Finn’s cheeks went bright pink (his face cheeks, not his butt cheeks—those stayed pale and white). “You’re right, PB,” Finn said. “I’ll put it back inside.”

  At another table, the Ice King picked up Finn’s flute. Finn had once tried to spear the Ice King with it. “Oh, my dear friends, Finn and Jake…,” the Ice King said, cradling the flute. “Oh, the memories. I kidnap a princess, they punch me. And around and around and around it goes. The never-ending dance of—”

  “Wak!” Gunter squawked.

  “Gunter! You interrupted my melancholy sadness! Don’t ever interrupt my melancholy sadness!” the Ice King shouted.

  Furious at having his emotional journey interrupted, the Ice King hauled off and punted Gunter in his tiny penguin rear end, which sent the penguin hurtling through the air—for once, penguins did fly—and put the rocketing penguin on a direct collision course with…

  Flame Princess.

  Flame Princess was, at that very moment, scolding Finn. “Finn! How could you!” she said. She was holding up a chunk of Finn’s flamer-etardant suit. “You wore this flame-retardant suit the day we met. Don’t you remember?”

  “Of course, I remember! But it’s just a suit…what’s the big deal?”

  Before Flame Princess could explain why it was so important to her, Gunter smacked headfirst into her flaming hot tushie. Flame Princess—still heated from Finn—turned and roared. She conjured a fireball and launched it at Gunter. It went a little something like FA-SHOOM!

  But Gunter danced out of the way, sending the fireball directly at…

  Marceline.

  At that moment, Marceline was peering out from beneath her big wide-brimmed sun hat and holding up Jake’s busted viola.

  “Jake! What the what? You’re selling this?”

  Jake shrugged. “It doesn’t work good anymore. I’m going to take some of the moola I’m earning here and spring for a new fancy-pants viola.”

  “I’m over one thousand years old, so trust me, I know things come and go, yo. But this viola was from our band moment!” Marceline said.

  Jake sighed and yanked it away from her. “Fine! I won’t sell MY viola just because YOU don’t want me to.”

  Just then, Flame Princess’s fireball erupted beneath Marceline’s hovering black boots.

  “What the devil?” Marceline said, spinning in midair. And in an instant, Marceline was morphing. One second, she was just a cute, mischievous, gothy, punk vamp queen, and the next she was a foul, dark beast with tentacles as black as night stretching and reaching out from her transforming body.

  “Ahhh!” screamed Starchy.

  “Ahhhhhh!!” screamed Nurse Poundcake.

  And then total and utter mass chaos erupted and everyone was screaming.

  All of this action was quite stressful for Snorlock, who had a tendency to get panicky. His mind totally freaked out, and he went on a slo-mo rampage, crashing through the tables, moaning wewaaahhhhrrrsswe!

  It was a double catastrophe.

  When the smoke and ice and flames and slugs and tentacles and checks and everything else cleared, the Tree Fort Front Yard Sale was no more. It was just a pile of junk scattered everywhere.

  Everyone stood around, staring at the mess.

  “Wow,” Finn said. “That was the most violent Tree Fort Yard Sale ever.”

  Jake stomped his feet. “Dude, that did not go well! We didn’t make any money, and we didn’t get rid of any junk!”

  But everyone else seemed pretty happy with the way Finn and Jake’s Tree Fort Front Yard Sale turned out. Of course, no one had actually purchased anything, but the small(ish) calamity that broke out had kept Jake and Finn from selling anything of sentimental value to anyone! Yes! Memories intact!

  “Also, I don’t think anyone liked my hors d’oeuvres,” Jake muttered.

  THE END!